It was hard for me as a child to understand why my parents were strict with me. It was like passing through a series of tests each time. I can honestly say that there were times back then that I just hated myself for being me.
As a child, I have compared myself with my classmates on how their parents treat them. Not that my mom would hit me or anything, but I guess, being envious with the toys and clothes that other kids has were the reason. And during that time, I did not understand the value of money and all I had in mind was to have the same things as the other kids had.
Since my dad was mostly out of the country or working in another province, it was my mom who was always there for us. She never failed to do her responsibilities as a mom and as I look back at it now, I should consider myself really lucky for having her. She managed to keep the family intact despite my dad’s long absence. It was work that drove my dad away from us. It was fine with me coz that would mean that I would only have to deal with my mom! LOL
Being the eldest, a lot of things were expected of me. And among us three siblings, I suffered the most—no social life! I was not allowed to go out with friends- no sleep overs, no parties! It was a shame that I was often left out. I felt that I missed a lot of my teen years.
When I became a mom, well, it was untimely. I thought my mom would slap me in the face but she didn’t. It was not what I expected but I was so much relieved that despite everything that has happened she still accepted me with open arms and she has never left my side.
A cousin of mine once told me that for every family there seem to be a black sheep. And he jokingly told me that from our family, maybe it was me. Yeah, probably it was me. Among my brother and sister, it was me, who gave my mom a lot of headaches and heartaches. There were really a lot of times that I have made her cry and I know that even though she wanted to really hit me, she never did. She was probably afraid that maters would get worse. Sometimes, I just don’t think right and bad decisions are made….I regret those times.
It is not very often that I get to say I love you to her but I really love her with all my heart. She has a strength that any woman would want to have. Despite being busy with work she still gives us time. Even with my kids, she is always there to be the mother to them when I am not around or if I might have failed in becoming a good mother that I should be. But she never slapped me with the truth of me being less of a mother sometimes. She made me feel I was loved.. all the time. I wouldn’t even know how life could be without her….the wind beneath my wings.
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