Breakups are never pleasant. No matter the state of the relationship, confirmation that things are over can be tough. It’s one of life’s major traumas and can lead to a grief-like process in the aftermath. If the relationship was long-term, its end can unravel everything.
People deal with breakups in two significant ways. Some become victims. They hold onto their sadness and allow it to permeate into other aspects of their lives. They have no real determination to move past what’s happened. In fact, they’re more than happy to stay stuck in their misery. They fail to look to the future, often in an attempt to hold onto the person they’re losing. They don’t want to move forward without them. Such people often try to keep contact with their ex, which can make the process more painful.
Then there are the people who are determined not to let their sadness get them down. Such individuals often feel morally superior to those mentioned above. They’re the fighters; the survivalists. They’re strong. Or, so they think. While outwardly more positive, survivalists don’t always deal with things in the best way, either. Instead of dealing with the breakup, they try not to think about it. This means that they don’t process or cope with their feelings. Which can lead to real problems later down the line.
Namely, people who haven’t processed a breakup may feel the need to keep distracting themselves. It’s not unusual for these people to develop a fear of their own company. Instead, they fill their time with work, friends, and other activities.
In some cases, such individuals even feel the need to relocate. What could be better, after all, than starting afresh somewhere new? They convince themselves that a move would help them heal, reasoning that they’ll be away from anything they relate to the relationship. They’ll meet new people, start a new job, and set up in a new town, or even country.
But, moving away to escape breakups can be a mistake as severe as allowing yourself to become a victim. And, here’s why.
The breakup moves with you
The biggest problem in a plan like this is that the breakup moves with you. You may think you can put it behind you, but that’s simply not the case. The only real way to move through trauma like this is to process it.
There’s no denying that you may feel better for the first weeks or months of your new life. You’ll be experiencing exciting new things, which are in no way related to your ex. And, that’ll be good for you. But, when you least expect it, the knowledge of your loss will find you. And, when that happens, you’ll be in a worse position than you were. You’ll then have to cope with your loss in a setting unfamiliar to you. You’ll be away from your comforts, and will feel even more lonely because of it.
You’ll be leaving your support network
When you’ve lost the person you were closest to, your support network will be your lifeline. This is especially the case if you and your man were living together. You’ll go from knowing someone’s at home every night, to returning to an empty house. Often, the only thing that can make that bearable is the knowledge that your friends would be there the moment you called.
Friends can be a huge comfort in the aftermath of a relationship, as can be seen on sites like https://hellogiggles.com. They can keep you smiling, distract you, and generally help you process what’s happened. But, if you move away, you’ll be leaving them behind. Hence, you’ll have to cope with things alone.
And, sure, you’ll meet new friends. But, friendships take a while to develop. If you unload your breakup baggage too soon, people won’t want to spend time with you. After all, they won’t have any real commitment to you in those early stages. Unlike your long-term friends, they won’t have any reason to help you through it.
As such, you could find moving away lonely, which will only make you feel worse than you would have otherwise.
Baggage builds up
As mentioned above, your breakup is baggage which will move with you. Worse, it’ll build and build the longer you don’t deal with it. And, this will be the case no matter where you are. As can be seen from sites like http://kari-joys.com, there are real health risks to leaving issues unresolved. Not to mention that it’ll have a huge impact on your emotional wellbeing.
Over time, you may even find that you’ve come to fear your past. In this case, you’ll experience a reluctance to return to the scene of the crime. Feelings like these can be even more damaging and will make it increasingly difficult for you to keep in contact with those who mean the most.
Of course, there are ways to make a move work after a breakup. Done right, it’s a sure way to set you on the path to recovery. It can be the ideal way to help you look to the future, as long as you aren’t running from the past. But, you need to be sure you’re moving for the right reasons. To help you, make sure to follow these pointers before you go.
Resolve issues before you leave
To ensure you’re not leaving for an escape, you should resolve your old relationship before you go. It’s the only way to ensure your baggage stays put. Though it may be painful, it’s worth meeting with your ex if possible. Speaking about your plans together will help you both move past what’s happened. Plus, it may be a good way to leave things on a positive note.
If it’s not possible to meet up, then you’ll need to deal with what’s happened alone. Do this by facing the breakup head on. It may help to write down your feelings about what happened, or your thoughts on what caused it. During this process, make sure not to allow yourself to become a victim. Stay strong, and think positive. Understand that you need to work through to enable yourself to move forward.
If you still experience extreme pain when you think of the breakup, it’s a sure sign you aren’t ready. Relocate only when you can think about what happened without anger or resentment.
Test it out
To ensure you aren’t jumping into this decision, it might even be worth testing out life elsewhere. This can be a worthwhile step of any major move. Instead of jumping ahead and buying a house elsewhere, put your belongings in storage, and find somewhere to rent, like the apartments listed on http://rumahdijual.com/kelapa-gading/apartemen-kelapa-gading-square.
Taking a short-term lease on a space like this will be a no-pressure way to test the waters. If you can keep your job and work remotely, it’s also worth taking that option for the time being.
You may find that just a small period away is all it takes to get you past the issue. Or, you might thrive in your new situation. If so, you can look for something more permanent.
Keep in touch with friends
Another crucial part of making relocation work is to keep in touch with friends. As mentioned above, your support network will be a huge help to you during this time. And, with technology such as Skype, you can keep in contact easily over long distances.
To avoid loneliness, arrange a once weekly video chat with friends, or even daily communications if you’re close. Ensure, too, that you make a real effort to see each other. By arranging to meet in towns halfway, you can all enjoy a day out, without having to go too much out of your way.
Don’t be afraid of the past
Another crucial step to success is learning not to fear the past. If you’ve tackled the other measures mentioned, this should be a much easier stage for your to master.
When we move away from trauma, we often develop a fear of our pasts. We come to relate them to the bad thing that happened, and so avoid them at all costs. As mentioned above, this can lead to a damaging buildup of baggage.
To ensure it doesn’t happen, make sure not to avoid thoughts of the past. You may try to immerse yourself in your new life and erase all thoughts about your old relationship. But, again, this is an avoidance technique.
Instead, learn to accept thoughts about your ex. Accept that you’re still healing. If you feel the need, return to writing down your thoughts about what happened. Instead of distracting yourself, accept your feelings without judgement. Over time, you may come to realize that you think about what happened less and less, without even trying.
Letting go naturally like this will ensure that the past doesn’t hold any fear for you. You haven’t been running away. Hence there won’t be anything waiting to catch you.
Source of images: Pexels.com