This is related to my first published tip. This can also be considered as a continuation of that tip. My life as a psoriasis patient is not easy but I do not consider it as very difficult as it can be handled with a little difficulty. During those times that I did not know about my disorder yet, there were already instances, just little instances that I was a subject of redicule. I was in my late 20s that I had those flakes right in the passage to my inner ear. Good that I married younger than the normal filipino women did. I already had a husband when this happened. If not, I may have decided not to marry at all and remain single forever.
One of my male officemates happened to see one of my ears, I didn’t really understand why he happened to see the flakes then. Maybe he is so observant or just “chismoso”. I could not forget his exact words, ” Unsa na, imong dalunggan naa man kaspa” translated in english as “What is that, your ear contains dandruff”. That was the first time that I felt humiliated. After that incident, I didn’t go near any of my officemates specially the males, they are more observant than the females and prone to be more outspoken. I didn’t want to be hurt. That was going on for several years. I sometimes forget to get away from my officemates even if I always see to it that I can not forget. That can not avoided, I really forgot sometimes. Forgetfulness has no power? (Ang kalimot way gahum.) Is this saying really applicable? Or the other way around.
I could not recall when all those pains, humiliations and ridicules that I received for the fate that I have happened. I know I am not to be blamed for what I have, it runs in our family. However, in my direct family, I am alone for this fight. I am the lone heir of psoriasis in my direct family which has already been in our blood long before I was born. However, only a few of us in our clan have this disorder I remember two (2) of my father’s cousins and two (2) of his siblings were among those who had. They are not around anymore. At present, I guess there are only less then ten (10) of us as far as I know though we belong to a very big clan.
Another experience that I had was when a very close friend seemed to humiliate me indirectly. She was the only relative of my husband whom I had a comfortable relationship. We were really close and I consider her as more than just a relative to me. She was my best friend and I treated her more than I treated my siblings. She used to look at my elbows when I was not looking at her. I came to realize that she disliked me for my skin disorder when I told her that I was not anymore comfortable with my skin. What she replied to me came as a shock, she shook her head and body as if I was a dirty object and said, “Ngeh simbako simbako palayo” in english “no I wish that it will be far from me”. I was hurt. From that time on, I didn’t ask her to come to me and me to come to her when in fact I used to send text messages to her to visit me at the office or at home or just meeting somewhere.
Then when I had a flare up. I always stayed at the office and did not go near the people in the building whom I used to get along with. I was ashamed even when I met them at the lobby. There were mixed reactions among them in the building. Some seemed to try to comfort me and go near me but I kept my distance. There were some who went near me just to see my scalp and my affected skin and made nasty comments. The more that I kept my distance. Good thing that in our division, they treated me well as what they used to before my flare up. Our big boss gave me lots of advice such as I know who are my true friends in this time of difficulty. And she was right. Only a few are my true friends. One thing that we must remember, only our family members are always there for us no matter what. However, there are also those true friends that won’t leave us.
Then there is the group PsorPhil in Facebook where I became a member, I learned a lot from them and their cause. They have a campaign against discrimination. My family, true friends, my officemates in the same division who are always there for me and this group where I belong, they made my life easier to manage.