It doesn’t seem like that long ago I stopped being a wife. I was reading all those books and articles on being the “perfect” wife pointless? Not at all! I learned a lot and it helped lay the foundation for who I am.
This may seem very basic but it’s the most foundational trait for being a good wife. Any woman that doesn’t have God as her center won’t be able to become a godly wife or have a healthy, God-honoring relationship. She’ll be in danger of having her husband become her center, her all, her everything which is honestly, idolatry. Anything coming first in your heart, before Christ, is your god (Deut.11:16). The greatest command for God’s followers is to love Him with ALL their hearts and souls (Deut. 10:12; Mk. 12:28-30). You must love God foremost before you can truly love a boyfriend or husband.
Being Confident in God
She knows who she is in God and exactly how He feels about her. She doesn’t “fish” for compliments or need constant assurance of her husband’s feelings. I tended to worry a lot in a relationship. In my insecurity, I worried about the future of the relationship, how he felt, or if he found me attractive. My confidence wasn’t coming from the Lord because I wanted a man’s approval more (Jn. 12:43). But now I know that a godly wife walks with confidence, with a smile on her face because she knows she’s the daughter of The King (Prov.31:25). She fears the Lord and trusts in His promises for her (Rom.8:28). Don’t get me wrong, hearing your husband’s compliments or hearing how he feels is great, and he should definitely express he cares for you, but be careful if that brings a smile to your heart more than knowing God, who created you, loves you more and thinks you’re far more beautiful than any man could.
Since a godly wife’s God-centered, she’s able to encourage her husband in his relationship with God. It’s as simple as saying, “Ok, we’re going to end hanging out earlier tonight because I need time with God ” or “What’d you learn at church today?”While the godly wife encourages her husband’s relationship with God, she doesn’t lead him in it or to it. He should already be actively going to church, not going just because she started taking him. She’s an encourager, not enforcer or leader (1 Thess.5:11; Rom. 1:12). He must have his own growing relationship with God. Not only do godly wives encourage their husbands spiritually but they also encourage them emotionally (Prov.14:1; 21:7). Man’s need to know they’re respected. If your husband gets a job promotion, or a trophy at his game, let him know you’re proud of him.
A good wife supports his hobbies (Phil.2:4). Sports are a big part of my husband’s life so I knew that if I went to support him it would mean a lot. I didn’t always feel like going but because I cared about him, I went to support him. Find out what your husband’s interested in and support him. Watch movies with him sometimes. Listen to his favorite music. Whatever it is, show you care about the things that matter to him, not just what matters to you.
A godly wife not only has her own spiritual walk but also HER OWN LIFE. She doesn’t forget her friends or family when she gets a husband. Instead, she keeps them close and makes time for them (Prov.11:14; Eccl. 4:9-10). She doesn’t throw away her own interests and desires. Don’t forget, your interests and hobbies make you unique and special. A godly wife keeps seeking God’s will for her life. Until I was married, I didn’t make my plans the same as my Ex. I didn’t know if we were going back together so I kept with the plans I knew the Lord had for me. I didn’t change my degree to match his or start planning on living where he was. I didn’t plan my life around him but around what I knew God had for me at that moment in my life (Prov. 3:5-6).
There’s things, like making dinner or folding laundry that didn’t start when I got married. There wasn’t a “Do good things for him” switch that automatically turned on once I said “I do.” It goes against my very nature as a sinful human. I had to start practicing beforehand. While we were dating, when I went to grocery’s store, I would pick up something he needed. I tried to actively think about him and his needs. You don’t have to be a good cook or skillful at anything to do something nice for your husband. You just have to be thoughtful (Prov.31:12). It comes down to is: Is Christ your first love? Do you date godly guys? Are you thoughtful of your husband? When these things are in check and God is the center of your married’s life then the road will be a lot less bumpy. Of course, not every relationship will end forever but each one will be healthier, more God-honoring, and filled with a lot less regrets because God’s in control.